We can have better, fuller, and richer relationships by using what we learned about working through our emotions and feelings and applying it to our relationships.
The following story typifies one aspect of thinking through relationships with heart and mind. It also sets the stage for the next two episodes:
Yesterday a third-year medical student came to my office to work with me. The first two years of medical school are in the classroom. Students learn about the body, in health and disease. They spend the second two years with patients, learning to apply what they’d learned. Pediatrics was his first clinical rotation, and this was his first day.
“Do you know what you want to do in medicine?” I asked
“I think I want to be a surgeon.”
“How did you decide to go to medical school?”
“The idea occurred to me late in college. I was a psychology major. One day I realized that I was going to be a psychologist because my mom is a psychologist. I respect her so much that I wanted to be like her. After appreciating that, I thought about what interested me. Biology was my real interest, and I knew I wanted to go to medical school.”
“Surgeons can be very impersonal, pompous, even conceited,” I said. Their work, to them, is almost art. They see what needs to be done, and they apply their skill and ability to the task. When I was in medical school, a surgeon’s comment highlighted this attitude. “Internists,” he said, “stand around and talk about problems. Surgeons fix them.”
“You can avoid developing this standoffish attitude,” I went on. “by bringing the warmth and goodness you revere in your mom into your practice. If you become a surgeon with this ideal, you will be a different doctor. You’ll be true to yourself and to what you value most.”